PATHETIC HUMANS CAN'T HANDLE FACEBOOK!

We interrupt this programme to bring you the text of an email from Fox News which has just arrived in my inbox, verbatim apart from the phone numbers, which I have redacted:

GREETINGS: BY WAY OF INTRODUCTION, MY NAME IS JACK SAVAGE—I AM A PRODUCER FOR THE FOX NEWS CHANNEL.

FOR A MORNING NEWS SEGMENT ON “FACEBOOK SUICIDE” COULD SOMEONE CALL ME BACK AT THE NUMBER BELOW?

JACK SAVAGE/ FOX NEWS NYC (xxx) xxx-xxxx (CELL PHONE (xxx) xxx-xxxx

WE WOULD LIKE TO DO A LIVE, ON-CAMERA INTERVIEW AROUND 1250 PM FRIDAY TOMORROW PM (5 MINUTE INTERVIEW) FROM OUR WESTMINSTER STUDIO IN LONDON.

IF NO ONE IS AVAILABLE TO APPEAR ON-CAMERA, IT’S POSSIBLE WE COULD DO A PHONE INTERVIEW, BUT WE WOULD PREFER ON-CAMERA.

IF ANYONE’S INTERESTED WE WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU A-S-A-P—-THANKS!

P.S. IF NEEDED, WE CAN PROVIDE TRANSPORTATION TO AND FROM THE INTERVIEW LOCATION IN WESTMINSTER.

SINCERLY,

JACK SAVAGE

FOX NEWS CHANNEL

I can’t think why, but I’m imagining Jack Savage as looking something like this chap on the left:


No?

UPDATE: I see that Fox News are now calling me a ‘Web addict’, for whom ‘Facebook suicide’ is the ‘only way out’.

Here is the text of the email I sent to Jack Savage in reply to his interview request:

Hi Jack, many thanks for the invitation, but I would feel wrong about appearing on a segment about ‘Facebook suicide’, as I think that term is really far too emotive for what amounts to simply deciding to stop visiting a particular website.

As I explained to the journalist who wrote the original London Times article, I rejoined Facebook not long after I initially left it, but she chose to leave this information out of the final piece.

Kind regards,

Fiona

For the more rational and much less sensational (but much more accurate) version of this story, see this post.


More posts you might like…

5 cognitive biases, and what they can teach us about B2B copywriting

The human mind is a complex and powerful tool, but it’s not without its flaws. Learn what our inbuilt cognitive biases can teach us about writing B2B content.

What’s the perfect work environment for creating B2B content?

Are work obstacles stopping you from creating great content? Here’s what your ideal B2B workplace might look like, according to our survey results and expert Maureen Blandford.

Make your writing more effective

Get copywriting tips and advice — direct to your inbox every month: